fic: Cocoa (Schitt's Creek)

[chasingkerouac]

Title: Cocoa (AO3)

Fandom: Schitt's Creek

Words: 2k

Characters: Patrick Brewer/David Rose, Stevie Budd

Additional Tags: Fluff & Humor, Winter, Friendship

Summary: Patrick regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. The dawning look of horror on David’s face was a common one - Patrick often had ‘wrong’ opinions about the store, that wasn’t new - but this look…

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” David asked.

When David finds out that Patrick is meh at best on hot chocolate, he makes it his personal mission to create the mix to both finally make Patrick fall in love with it and become a best seller at the store.
 

 

Patrick regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth.  The dawning look of horror on David’s face was a common one - Patrick often had ‘wrong’ opinions about the store, that wasn’t new - but this look… 

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” David asked.

Patrick shrugged and went back to refolding the pile of branded dishtowels that always seemed askew by the end of the day.  “I’m just not a big fan of hot chocolate, David.  It’s fine.  All of it tastes the same to me.  And if you want to sell a custom blend for the store, I think that’s great.  I’m just not going to be any help in picking one out because they all taste the same to me.  And that taste,” he added, reaching out and giving David’s arm a squeeze, “is just fine.”

“Yes, but everyone likes hot chocolate,” David protested.  “Everyone.  That’s like saying that someone doesn’t start their day with coffee.”

“There are people who don’t like coffee.”

“And those people are wrong.  Just like you’re wrong.”  David waited for the inevitable protestations, but Patrick just waited patiently.  “You’re right that switching things up for the seasons is necessary, and I am fully committed to creating an aesthetic in-store experience for our customers that isn’t complete, as you’ve so lovingly pointed out, ‘monochromatic Swedish murder house’ vibe.”  The air quotes were understood.  “But winter leans into that desire for minimalism and yearns for cozy.”

“Yearns?”

“Yearns,” David repeated.  “It yearns for candles, soft blankets, and hot chocolate.  And why would we sell just any hot chocolate when we can create a specific, not to be repeated, Rose Apothecary blend to invite people to repurchase for months to come?”

“I’m agreeing with you,” Patrick tried again.  “You are correct.  This is a great idea.”

“But how can you not like hot chocolate, everyone likes hot chocolate!”

“I don’t know what to tell you, David.”  Patrick sighed and said a phrase he’d come to regret.  “Maybe I just haven’t had the right hot chocolate yet.”

 

Monday

“Thank you for coming to the first of what I hope is the only Rose Apothecary hot cocoa taste test,” Stevie said blandly as she set two cups on David and Patrick’s table in front of them.  “I’ve been forced to be here to ensure that David doesn’t influence your opinions.”

David tilted his head.  “Forced is such an ugly word, and I don’t think that it really encapsulates the truth of your role in this project.”

Stevie lifted an eyebrow.  “Am I free to leave?”

“No,” David said with a smile and a shake of his head.

“You can’t hold people hostage for a taste test, David,” Patrick insisted.

“Well if she’d quit complaining, this could be over with and she’d be free to return to… what social activity am I pulling you away from again?” David asked.

Stevie stared at him for a long moment.  “I don’t think I need to explain myself to my captor.” 

“Stevie, why don’t you just tell us what I’m tasting?” Patrick interrupted.

Stevie shrugged and pulled out a card.  “This is a 70% dark chocolate with hints of orange and cardamom and… really, David?  The essence of lost childhood?”

“We’re creating an atmosphere here!”

“Fine.  The essence of lost childhood, which this drink will help you rediscover.  Just like you can rediscover the joy of self-care with our limited edition body scrub here at Rose Apothecary.”  

“Go on,” David beamed.  “Take a sip.”

Patrick took a sip as instructed.  “It’s fine,” he said.  “If this is what you want to serve, I’m all for it.”

“But you don’t love it,” David pointed out.

“I don’t have to love it as long as you love it.”

“But you don’t love it.”

“It’s fine, David.”

“Nope, not good enough,” David grumbled.  “We’ll try again tomorrow.”

“You guys have fun with that, I have plans tomorrow,” Stevie insisted.

 

Tuesday

“Attempt number two,” Stevie sighed, setting out cups in front of David and Patrick.  “Because I should’ve known better than to get into the car with David without confirming where we were going.”

“I’m saving you from an afternoon of tedium,” David insisted.

“You mean my job?”

“Yes, exactly.”

“I won’t let him kidnap you again,” Patrick promised.

“Oh… if only you had that power,” Stevie murmured.  “Okay, let’s try this one.”  She pulled out a new card.  “Today we have a 55% cocoa from Venezuela mixed with cayenne and the essence of pine.  Apparently licking a chocolate christmas tree is in vogue this season.”

“I’m not paying you for the color commentary.”

“You’re not paying me at all,” Stevie pointed out.  “I’m supposed to say that this one will reignite the feeling of comfort one has during the dark night while also wrapped up in one of the many lovely ethically sourced down blankets available exclusively at Rose Apothecary.”

“You’re going to be blown away by this,” David insisted, motioning for Patrick to drink.

Patrick took a sip and attempted to school his face into one of excitement.  “Oh yes, this is perfect David.  Let’s go with this one.”

“You’re lying,” David grumbled.  “You have on your ‘I don’t understand those Balenciaga pants’ face.”

“The zippers don’t actually zip anything!” Patrick insisted.  “Why would you have zippers that don’t actually zip anything?”

“We’re TRYING AGAIN!” David snapped.

 

Wednesday

Stevie sighed and set down two cups.  “This one is 60% milk chocolate mixed with Tahitian vanilla and coconut, which will transport you to the islands along with our proprietary shampoo -”

“You know I’m allergic to coconut,” Patrick pointed out.

“Dammit!” David snapped.

 

Thursday

“Okay, so, Stevie threatened me bodily harm if I made her come today, so it’s just us,” David said, as he set out two cups on the table.  “Which I think was a gross overreaction, but we all know how she’s prone to emotional outbursts.”

Patrick tilted his head.  “Oh yes.  Stevie is the one with emotional outbursts.”

“Anyway!” David beamed.  “I think you’re really going to be impressed with this one.  Chocolate from Costa Rica, a spice blend of nutmeg, anise, and cardamom, and just a hint of elderflower and lemon to enhance the bouquet.”

“I’m sure that it’s going to be my favorite,” Patrick said warmly.  He reached over and placed his hand on David’s.  “Can I just go ahead and say that it’s my favorite?”

David turned his hand over to grip his husband’s and beamed.  “No.  You have to drink it.”

Patrick lifted the mug and took a sip, ready to declare it the winner, and… spit it back into the mug.  “Oh my god, that is terrible.  Those flavors don’t go together.  No.  No I can’t even fake that one.”

“What are you talking about?  I specifically mixed this myself and I am stunningly good at-”  David took a sip from his mug and grimaced.  “Nope, okay, too much anise.  It’s like sucking a licorice.  That one’s on me.”

 

Friday

“I’m so happy you’re joining us again, Stevie,” David beamed.

“I’m not sure what it says about my social life that this was the best offer I had for a Friday night, but here we are,” she replied, setting down two mugs and retrieving the card.  “Here we have beans from Nicaragua, rose hips, salted caramel, and… more salt?”

“The salt emphasizes the sweetness of the chocolate and the caramel,” David insisted.

“And the rose hips?” Patrick asked.

“It’s on brand,” David insisted.  “Just try it.”

Patrick took a sip and cringed.  “It’s like drinking chocolate sea water.”

“You’re uncultured.  I love you, but you’re uncultured.”

Stevie reached over, took David’s mug, and took a sip herself.  “No, it’s terrible.  Your choices have gotten worse.”

“You’re both uncultured.”

“At this point, I’m going to tear open a packet from a box I found in the back of my cabinet and tell you with was hand ground by tree monks,” Stevie grumbled.  

“What’s a tree monk?” David asked.

“That’s your problem?” Stevie pressed.

“What about the one from the beginning of the week?” Patrick asked.  “It was fine.  Let’s just go with that one.”

“I refuse to allow something that’s ‘just fine’ to be sold in this store!”

 

Saturday

“Here,” Stevie said, setting down two mugs.  “I mixed Monday’s blend with whisky.”

“What??  You ruined my perfectly balanced personalized mix!”

“I dunno,” Patrick mused, taking a sip.  “This whisky makes it-”

“Unacceptable,” David insisted.  “Stevie, am I going to have to fire you?”

“Oh please, do,” Stevie said with a grin.  

 

Sunday

David smiled as Stevie emerged from his kitchen with two mugs.  “I am really pleased with today’s blend.  Let me take you on a journey through the rainforest-”

“Nope,” Stevie said, setting down the mugs and dropping a candy cane in each one.  “Today is Stevie’s Blend.  There’s no elaborate backstory, hopefully it’ll make people want to buy something in your store, and look I made it festive,” she added, pointing to the peppermint.  “Drink it.”

Patrick took a sip and nodded.  “Okay.  This one tastes the best out of the options this week.  Can we just go with this one?  It tastes the most like hot chocolate.”

“I hardly think that Stevie is the one to crack the hot chocolate issue with your stunted taste buds,” David insisted, as he took a sip.  And then another.  “Okay, which blend from my list is this one?  Because I know you didn’t come up with this one on your own, and it has the yearning for warmth and cozy that I’m looking for.”

“And I think it tastes the most like what hot chocolate is supposed to take like, so we can please stop tasting them,” Patrick added.

Stevie leaned forward, placed a hand on David’s cheek, and grinned.  “It’s hot chocolate… from a Carnation packet I found in the back of my cabinet.  Made with hot milk, and a candy cane.”  

David’s eyes went wide.  “You didn’t.”

She gave his cheek a light pat.  “You just fell in love with the basic bitch of hot chocolate.”

“You know, this would be the most inexpensive to make on our end,” Patrick pointed out.  “And instead of selling the mix, we could sell mugs instead.  Logo mugs are timeless and not limited by season.  Offer free refills all season if they come in with one of the Rose Apothecary mugs.”

David grumbled under his breath as he took another sip.

“What was that?”

“I said that’s a good idea,” David repeated.  “It’s a good idea.  And this is really your favorite one?”

Patrick nodded.  “I was only building off of your already brilliant idea.”

David shrugged.  “I mean… yes… it was a brilliant idea.  I’m going to go see about ordering mugs.”

Patrick leaned over and gave his husband a kiss as David got up to start his sourcing search.  Once he was out of the room, he mouthed a sincere ‘thank you’ to Stevie.

“So was it really that good?” she asked.

“Oh no, absolutely not,” he said.  “It’s stale and whatever packet you found had to have been from like three years ago.  But we’ll get something fresh and mini marshmallows and it’ll be fine.  David likes it, and that’s all that matters.”

“But aren’t we supposed to find the perfect blend to convince you that hot chocolate is the best thing ever?  Are you sure I shouldn’t tell David we should try something with, I dunno, hot sauce and holly berries... “

“You can take any bottle of wine you want from the store to never mention any of this again.”

“Two.”

“Deal.”